2008-06-26 –
Dispatches from the Treadmill
For some ungodly reason the Today show was on at 11:45 this morning featuring Las Vegas showgirls (the ones with the headdresses and faux-peacock colors). Alright, I’m not the target audience, I guess this is what passes for vapid newsworthy events in 2008. Then they switched to a camera pointed at two of the Today show hosts donned in the same fabulously fluorescent outfits, sheepishly tip-toeing onto the dance floor. There, they jigged a couple of moves and bravely tried to keep the tiara of giant feathers balanced on their heads.
Later, this time on the elliptical, the local weather guy was doing a standup at Summerfest. He then demonstrated how hot it was by hoisting a 20 lb. bag of ice on the back of his neck.
I feel blessed that I saw the low point of broadcast history followed by the low point of local news coverage within 30 minutes of one another.
2008-06-07 – Lunch Lust
2008-06-03 - It's all about the Hamiltons
I’ve been trying to keep as many Alexander Hamiltons in
my wallet as possible these past two weeks, it’s definitely the new
Lincoln. Perhaps I should obtain some
Thomas Jeffersons and see if my wallet explodes. No one can be angry at Washington, so he’s
cool.
2008-05-09 - Branding
In a random survey, the first thing that comes to mind when people are asked about Myanmar is:
93% : It used to be called Burma
5% : Military Junta
2% : A hurricane or something?
I don't know why news media feel the need to remind their audience with
the standard "Myanmar, which used to be called Burma" in their
reports. It hasn't been called Burma in almost 20 years, maybe they
should use "Russia, which used to be called the USSR" or "Ireland,
which used to be called Hibernia" in reports.
2008-05-03 - Walken in America
I was watching The Dead Zone tonight and figured, since I more than
likely won't be teaching this summer, that I could become a tutor,
preferably in math or psychic powers.
2008-05-03 - Bannination
Which of the following should be excluded from multiple choice tests?
A) Logical quandaries based on the interpretation of a preposition
B) Scantron sheets that take #2 pencils (I hate pencils)
C) All multiple choice tests
D) Both A and C
E) Questions that say "All of the above" or "None of the above"
F) All of the above
2008-04-08 – Bastardizing History
I’ve realized this for a while now, but the History Channel is completely void of anything interesting, at least new-programs wise. They’re passing off paranormal activities, wood-cutting reality competitions, and gangsters as history, and only if there’s a new movie (ie 10,000 BC, Charlie Wilson’s War) or a tragedy anniversary (King) do they actually present a program which has some semblance of history to it. They even changed their branding to just “History,” so it’s not “The History Channel” any longer. Could have fooled me.
As infuriating as this dearth of real history is (seriously, there is about 4,000 years of documented civilizations and tons of interesting things, but ghosts and UFOs are somehow omnipotent), I’ve searched for other channels that can give me my history fix. I don’t know why I’m such a nerd about history, especially since I know much of what the programs are already talking about, but I like to know how the accumulation of people and events affected how society became what it is today.
The Discovery Channel occasionally has something about history on it and usually I’m too late to notice. Sunday night they had a block of Egyptian history and managed to catch why the Old Kingdom went into ruin (surprise! It’s climate change!).
PBS has become the main source of my new historical viewings, I finally finished an American Experience bio on Ansel Adams (I watched about five minutes per day for the past three weeks). There are other interesting shows on the channel, but because I have, for some unknown reason, nine PBS channels to choose from (and no solid program schedule), it’s hard to catch what I actually want to see. I guess I could watch them online, but the kitchen table isn’t comfortable.
HBO has been on a historical kick with Rome and Deadwood, two of my favorite shows, which is probably the reason why they’re no longer on the air. I would imagine these shows are incredibly expensive to produce, so it makes sense. Right now the John Adams miniseries is capturing my attention, not only because I know little beyond the “he’s an asshole” perception of Adams, but because I think it presents that era pretty well. The show moves at a breakneck speed (sometimes covering eight years in the matter of minutes), but that’s alright because it’s going to force me to read the book one day. It also has a few inaccuracies, but I can live with that … I always live through the viewing that there will be a few problems with the production (like on Rome when they had parrots and tomatoes in a scene, those are Americas things).
I’m just becoming an insufferable history nerd, nothing can please me any longer. I'm not ashamed to admit that I got choked up when they ratified the Declaration of Independence.
2008-03-18 – St. Patrick’s Breastplate
2008-03-06 - An Incredible Knack
Tuesday was a big day in Packers land as Brett Favre retired, and today he made it official. I even watched the press conference, which was tough because Brett and I have such a history. The best part was when he was talking about the excessive highlight shows and old interviews and how he watched them a bit last night … he said “Now I know what it feels like to die.”
Obviously it’s a big loss to the Packers and my whole plan of the destiny season for Brett, from all the records he passed, all the teams he’s had a history with, and whatnot, fell short of only two of my predictions: going to and winning the Super Bowl. It hurts, I really thought the Packers and Favre would do it, but oh well, at least the Giants were the other team of destiny to knock them out. Losers.
I’ve been watching the Packers for a very long time, I’ve even made it to one regular season game. I first started watching football (from what I remember) at the Super Bowl in 1989, the 49ers shellacked the Broncos. I was enthralled enough to start watching the “hometown” team in the 1989 season and saw the Packers, whom I knew none of the history of, win nine games and whip the state into a frenzy of “The Pack is Back” fever. Next time you hang your head on three last minute wins thanks to a decent kicker, it doesn’t not mean a renaissance.
My fever grew, but was sullied in ’90 and ’91 as the Packers were awful. I probably bought into the unruly expectations of the regular Packers fan in these parts, but I knew they were pretty bad and there wasn’t much hope. If you have Vai Sikahema returning kicks, you know there’s a problem.
But along came Ron Wolf and he made a trade at the end of February 1992 that I chided at Matt Gleason’s house. “Who’s this Bertt Favvvre?” I explicitly remember stating. He agreed with me and then continued to fleece me on baseball card deals.
The ’92 season came along and I was over the Majk man (as were a number of other men) and, thankfully, he got injured. I wasn’t above seeing a grown many get hurt as a 14 year old and I’m not any different now that I’m 30. So in comes Favre against Tampa Bay … first pass batted up in the air, he catches it for a ten yard loss. I was unimpressed.
The next real game was against Cincinnati, and they were a decent team back then, perhaps a season away from their horrible spell that made them a laughing stock of the NFL until recently (or maybe it never went away). Last minute pass to Kitrick Taylor to win the game and I knew it was going to be something special in my deluded world.
The season went on and sometimes it would come up that Favre threw too crazy and that he was only a temporary guy, but the team kept winning. They finished 9-7 and it wasn’t a fluke thing, I think everyone knew that Favre was the guy, and if he can lead the team to a 9-7 by playing so “poorly,” then it was clear he was the guy and it could only get better.
I got a Favre poster from someone, Reggie White came to town, and it was on. Two more 9-7 seasons, more playoff losses in Dallas, but the team each season got a little bit better. I would sit in my room and watch the game in solitude, swinging a baseball bat wearing my lucky Packers hat (gradually the luck ran out when I realized it was a lame hat). I was a nervous wreck whenever the offense was on the field and I have been ever since (though I don’t swing a bat any longer, I have too many lamps and nice things).
Eventually I forwent watching a few games in favor of working the Sunday afternoon shifts at Piggly Wiggly and the Lake Country Racquet and Athletic Club … I liked the fact that only people without TV’s and migratory Bears fans would be out and about on Packers game days. It was a nice feeling, but I was still in touch with the game … taping it and watching at home.
The Packers went about their business, Favre started winning MVP’s, and the Super Bowl seasons of 96 and 97 coincided with my first two years of college. Certainly going to Water Street with friends after the win was a memorable night, it was really fun.
Then a “lost weekend” portion of the Favre era came in. White retired, and then came back with a different team, Brett regressed a little bit thanks to an angry Holmgren and an ineffective Ray Rhodes … those years were definite missed opportunities. But then Mike Sherman came along, but Ron Wolf retired.
The first years of the ‘00’s were solid teams, but not consistently solid on the defense and not enough playmakers on the offense for the team to overcome superior opponents. They definitely had their chances with the 10+ win teams, but they always fell short … like that 4th and 26 gaffe against Philadelphia one season (which was their best shot).
My life, of course, was different again, and again I don’t quite remember any specific game because I had to watch it with other people, thus I couldn’t focus my anxious rage at the screen. I was working incessantly in the ’00-’03 seasons, the least of which one where I was married. I didn’t miss the games, I just miss remembering them.
Then the team started to disintegrate. I thought Mike Sherman was a good coach, but I soon realized he was a terrible GM and had absolutely no sense of humor. His monstrously large pleated khaki pants didn’t help. But there he was. Ted Thompson was brought in, and even though I think he’s better, I don’t think he’s that great … case in point, his outright refusal to sign free agents and only wanting to build through the draft. That may work for the defense, but on offense you need playmakers … you have one of the greatest QB’s in history and you surround him with sub-standard guys … all the talent in that one guy at QB can’t overcome incompetence.
But the team rebounded from the 4-12 season, 8-8 the next year, and then this season of destiny that fell a little short thanks to an errant pass in overtime, temperature two below, at Lambeau Field. And thus ends my life with Brett Favre. His first season with the team corresponded with me on crutches in freshman year of high school, the Super Bowl year the first of mine in college, the resurgence in 2000 with me in the real world, the 2005 4-12 season corresponded with a really tough year for me, and the ’06-’07 resurgence (again) has me in graduate school. Fittingly, I’ll be onto my next venture after I graduate in August just in time for another era of Packers history to begin with Fragile Aaron.
So, that’s my life with Favre. I’d scan the poem I wrote about him in ’94 or ’95 if I knew where it was, it was a fake epitaph that we had to do for creative writing class. I only remember the “Here lies Brett Favre, he had an incredible knack” part, and I think it would be quite crazy if I had his year of death being 2008. Maybe it is, for all the Wisconsin fans know that their lives have ended because a 38 year old football player has decided to not play any longer.
2008-02-22 - Sometimes I drive just to recapture that ragin' feeling
Outside of the three square mile corridor between the apartment and
campus, I rarely venture outside of this area because a) it's fraught
with money-spending opportunities and b) I don't really have the time
to spend wasting time. Of course, yesterday was an exception, as I was
angered when the 15 bus was once again absurdly late ... I decided to
take a drive up and down the East Side to see what I'm missing.
Of course, I'm not missing much. I don't drive much any more,
certainly that will change when I get back into the real world, so it
felt nice to vent pent up frustrations at unsuspecting cars. The roads
have also shrunken thanks to the repetitive snow-freeze-thaw-deep
freeze-snow more cycle the city has been in for the past month. The
filthy ice and compacted snow has encroached onto parking spaces and by
ways, and even has caused buckled road that is being dug up by plows
leading to giant potholes. Really, they aren't even pot holes any
more, more like tributaries.
The drive was aggravating, and in my sick state I managed to belt out a
few epithets only I can hear ... people parking strangely (thanks to
the curious nature of the ice formations on the street), people not
knowing where they want to turn, people stuck behind people who want to
turn, but don't know what to do, etc. It was exhilarating. And rageful.
Typically at this time of year, the winter starts to bother me, but
we're long past it. This winter has been testing my patience, maybe
it's because I walk all the time, maybe it's because I've almost
slipped and killed myself many times, maybe it's the snow. But it
can't be all the snow, I'm the first one to complain about the dearth
of snow, so much unlike my youth when it snowed all the time, we made a
giant castle in the middle of the subdivision, and then tried to hurt
the neighbors. No, it definitely cannot be the snow. Yes, it's the
cold.
If I have to scrape the inside of my windshield one more time this
winter, I'm just going to knock it out. I think the cold has something
to do with my current illness, the worst I've had in a few years. Once
I started eating an apple each day, I haven't gotten sick at all ... so
it's the cold. Or the dentist. Probably a little of both. But the
cold, it needs to go away. It's fine every once in a while, but this
isn't Fargo, let it be 35 every once in a while.
I finally have come to the realization that it's not outlandish for Inuit people to have 100 or so words for snow.
I guess I have known it all along, but I finally put two and two
together to get five. Being an amateur meteorologist has its benefits,
I guess. Here are the typical snows of the greater Milwaukee metroplex:
Soggy snow (Panhandle Hook variety, temp around 32)
Lake-effect snow
Light snow (Arctic Blast exfoliator style)
Light snow (Alberta Clipper variety)
Regular flurries
There's other variation between each of them depending on the winds,
saturation, temperature outside ... but that's the general outline. My
favorite snow is, of course, the Panhandle Hook snow, the one that
blankets the area, snaps branches, and perfect packing capability.
I like tangents that come full circle.
2008-02-14 - Remembering
I've come to an unsupported conclusion that being reasonably progressive in something will, no doubt, cause you to be remembered in years past. As a student of history, I see this all the time, the real trailblazers, the people who implement their unique view (generally for the better), and those who have new ideas are those who are best remembered. Take, for instance, who are generally regarded as the best presidents: Washington, Jefferson, Jackson, Lincoln, Roosevelt, Wilson, and Roosevelt. Each of them bucked the "conventional wisdom" in their own time (save for a few instances), implemented their ideas, and, for the most part, the country is better off with them.
2008-02-07 - Turn 30
Well, that was the easiest "to-do" note on my calendar ever.
2008-02-05 - If/then
Anyone who really knows me knows that, as a college student who can
read, I have my finger on the pulse of the political world. I hate
discussing politics, or really even thinking about it, because it gives
me a headache ... but I do know what's going on. Here I will attempt
to justify a vote to each of the presidential candidates should they
make it to November (many will have to make it on write-ins):
Richardson ... if he didn't look so much like Horatio Sanz
Giuliani ... if he weren't such an evil, vindictive, opportunistic candidate
Paul ... if the hype matched what he actually stands for
Gravel ... if he wouldn't come off as so crazy
Dodd ... if he didn't come off as a bullfrog
Clinton ... had she not been married to the 42nd president
Huckabee ... if he weren't so gung-ho on theocracy
Keyes ... never
Tancredo ... never
Brownback ... never
Vilsack ... should his last name not have 'sack' in it
Romney ... if he were not a robot
Thompson (Tommy) ... if he hadn't choked on that ice cube when Allison interviewed him
Thompson (Fred) ... if he hadn't fired that one DA on Law & Order
Biden ... if he weren't such a corporate guy
Edwards ... if he didn't have a trial attorney's smile
Hunter ... I've always wanted a president named Duncan
Kucinich ... if he hadn't bankrupted Cleveland and stopped introducing outlandish legislation
McCain ... if it were eight years ago
Obama ... if he's on the ballot
See? Even putting this dumb list together I punched the wall twice.
2008-02-01 - Hi, I'm good, weather, not so much.
Perhaps the waning days of my 20's decade has caused me to reflect on
the biggest difference between myself and the current undergrad
students. When I graduated in 2000, no one had a cell phone. Today,
every single person has one ... and they're always on it. ALWAYS.
From the conversations I've gleaned in on, walking by in the plaza, the
Union, the business building, in the locker room, the kids are having
absolutely no conversation of substance. It's all duckspeak, and my
view is "Why even bother chatting?" You can get caught up on the
mundane happenings later when you're not trying to put gym shorts on or
trying not to slip on the slush covered tile. Maybe it's because I
hate being on the phone or because I have an overarching contempt for
anyone who walks by me, but seriously, save your voice.
The most impressive duckspeaking situation I saw was yesterday, in a
quasi-blizzard, a girl had the phone nestled between her ear, hat, and
hood leaving both hands free to balance. No, it wasn't a Bluetooth
headset (which makes one look like a robot), it was an actual flip
phone stuck in that location. I wanted to stop and commend her, but I
was busy trying not to fall.
2008-01-30 - Red Walk of Shame
Forgetting for a moment that I now own one winter coat which is red,
and one pair of workout pants which are red, I embarked on a 20 minute
red walk of shame from the Klotsche Center to my home. I stuck out
like a puncture wound on the bleached, bleak streets of Milwaukee's
fashionable East Side.
2008-01-24 - Easiest photojournalism assignments
01 Obesity story: go to mall, film fat people as they walk away
02 Economy story: go to mint, film $100 bills being cut on conveyor belt
03 Weather story: point camera outside
2008-01-21 - Final TA Evaluations
I finally looked all of them, all the insults and good words have been saved for the ages, and here's the final writings of the semester:
He’s a good TA.
I felt that I learned more in discussion than in
lecture. Thanks!
Nate Roth is awesome.
Nate Dawg is sweet.
Good TA!
Great examples.
Teaches us what we need to know unlike the professor.
Nate is a great TA.
He knows his material, comes prepared and is always available for extra
help if needed.
Awesome job Nate.
Thanks for help with this impossible subject.
He made everything much more understandable than the professor. However, it seemed he really did
not want to be here. I don’t blame him,
these topics are awful.
The TA was very
helpful in understanding this course.
Mean: 4.41
Median: 4.56
Range: 3.38 – 4.92
I guess that means I am alright. Maybe if this accounting thing doesn't pan out, I can be a teacher. I hope not.
2008-01-21 – “OK T, let’s finish this guy”
2008-01-02 - Why is that lamp post serenading me?
The first fully cognizant day of 2008 is almost in the books, and so
far this has been the greatest year ever. After coasting since the end
of exams into the new year, my real vacation begins today: three weeks
until the start of the next semester (1/22).
I'm not kidding about this potentially being the greatest year ever,
not that last year was terrible, it was just a stepping block to
whatever this year holds considering I execute what I need to do.
Which I did. Just barely. The law firm is over, the TA-ing thing
works, my first full year of grad school is over, the part time job
will soon be over, many things were paid off, I killed a guy, and a few
other things that escape me at the moment. 2007 was a good year, but
2008 could be a great year. Why? Here is what could happen to further
me getting on with my life (and difficulty ranked on a scale of 1 to 5,
with 5 being most difficult):
01 Graduate grad school, earning that Masters of Science in Accounting degree (2)
02 Take CPA exam (3)
03 Pass CPA exam (5)
04 Get a real job (4)
05 Cut my hair (1)
06 Pay off my car (1)
There's absolutely not reason for me to fear not getting the degree, I
will be back teaching, but my time commitment will drop significantly
because I've already gone through the rigors of learning the course
material that I have to teach the students, again, just a matter of
execution. My waking hours will be spent studying, writing, committing
to memory, and embalming for the CPA exam and the classes; I hope my
standard 75-85% on every single test I ever take will carry over the
real exam juggernaut I'm going to have to go through.
Paying off my car is the easiest, and it's over: this morning the
payment went through and I officially own my car after 5+ years of
paying for the stupid thing. It's too bad I don't drive as much as I
used to, though my first drive today as the real live owner of a Vibe
with 58668 miles on it was fulfilling. Cutting my hair is an amusing
aside, I really want to shave it off because, lord knows, the corporate
world will not stand for someone with my hairstyle.
So that's that, the things I hope to happen this year, and they'll all
be done by August in a perfect world. I do have a few middling
resolutions (not crossing my legs, watch less TV, kill a hobo, etc.),
but they all pale in comparison as to what could be and hopefully will
be this year, the year of Nate, Nate in '08.
(The dearth of updates the past four months was on purpose, though I
have put up an Ex-Post Facto Post from an irritating Qdoba experience
... I wanted to focus on school and not have 100 students stalking me).
2007-11-21 - Queso MF
Once a week I walk from campus to
Qdoba, typically Thursdays, today Wednesday, for a delicious and
expensive chicken nachos. I limit myself to one "luxury" per week, and
Qdoba is it ... I enjoy the grilled chicken, the hot sauce, and the
chips. The drawbacks are clearly the money, as I don't feel it's quite
worth the $7.88, and the incredibly loud atmosphere when entails at
least three Qdoba staff members shouting separate questions to me at
the same time: "Black or pinto beans?" "Any cheese or sour cream?"
"For here or to go?" Even though they do this all time, I get startled
and think they're asking me "Any black or pinto cream, Toto?" I meld
my answer just for them: "Bleese here."
Today's a particularly
rotten day, 35 degrees, exceptionally dark, and a swirling wind and
scattered rain. I dressed for the occasion, a jacket, fingerless
gloves, and a scarf obscuring the lower half of my face (I chose not to
wear a hat because I have a class tonight and need to look my best). I
approached the counter where all the screaming takes place, slowly
unfurling my scarf as to not rip my iPod headphones from my delicate
ears. A couple of college man-children are playing thumb war.
"I'm sorry, we're closed for the day," the Qdoba employee said.
"Oh really?" I stopped in my tracks, quickly pirouetted around to leave, and began to put my scarf back on.
"SIR!?!
SIR! I'm just kidding, we're not closed," she admitted. "I'm sorry
about that." I then told her my order and I could tell she was trying
to be extra nice, but I wasn't in the mood to be funny, after all, it
is plausible that she could have been right with it being the night
before Thanksgiving and most of the students gone already. I got my
order, paid my $7.88, and as I was sitting down I was still upset about
the whole situation.
Don't they know who I am? I come in
once a week at the same time and see the same employees, but I don't
chat with them, they fucking work at Qdoba. That rep is missing,
they don't know if I'm a serial killer, a multimillionaire, or just a
loser graduate student approaching his 30th birthday. I know full well
who they are, fucktards working at Qdoba in their late 20's to early
30's cracking jokes because their pitiful lives won't allow them to not
work on the eve of a holiday. Clearly a way of thinking themselves up
by bringing their patrons, obviously people who can afford a $7.88 fast
food meal every once in a while - in which these employees prepare,
down to their level.
I wonder if they know I can destroy them?
Seriously, as a former promotions guy in the competitive world of
radio, I can assure them that I could bump their commercials off the
air, spread rumors to a few thousand people, and cause mischief with
nary a sound. I also teach, so I can let 90 impressionable and
fiscally irresponsible undergrads living within blocks of their shitty
little store (which used to be a Kinko's) to not spend their money
there ... and they will tell nine of their friends. I'd post on
Craigslist that I saw rats in their queso sauce, and call on favors to
my friends still in media to investigate. I also know all the inroads
to filing court actions against them. The rage brewed uncontrollably
inside as I remarked to myself that I should have exclaimed initially
"FINE I'LL TAKE MY MONEY ELSEWHERE" before the classless
Qdoba-As-A-Career lady had a chance to apolo...
"I'm really sorry about that, I didn't mean anything by it, just a bad joke," she said to me as I was half done with my meal.
Perhaps all is forgiven. Time, and digestion, will tell.
2007-08-21 - Everybody Panic
For
the second straight day, I decided to read a little bit by surrounding myself
with fiber and drinking coffee, this day I decided to go downstairs to the “Last
Drop Coffee Shoppe” (or so they call themselves). The student-penned logo looks like a turd.
2007-07-13 - Numerology is for the weak-minded
I save the worst flavor of my store-brand variety instant oatmeal rotation for Friday: banana. I hate banana. This makes me dread Friday, which makes me want to take a nap in my car, which makes me lose half and hour of overtime, which makes me lose extra money for Qdoba, which makes me more hungry, which causes me to purchase store-brand variety instant oatmeal and save the worst flavor for Friday. Banana.
2007-07-12 - Croft and/or Barrow
Coinciding with the beginning of class and a tax on my time, the
History Channel has again began to air tons of new programming that
hold some semblance of interest for me. No, not Ice Road Truckers or
any of the other shows that don't deal with history. I'm fearing that
that channel, the only non-news or sports programming I watch these
days, will be taken over by cheap reality TV, but I can always hope for
repeats.
Anyway, they're running six hour blocks about the
states, founding fathers, and whatever other boring subject I find
myself attracted to. They also have a recurring program called "The
Universe" that's interesting, but strange that it's on the History
Channel. I guess there isn't a natural channel on basic cable they
could find to put a program like that as the Discovery and National
Geographic channels run nothing but filtered garbage. There is a swath
of channels on digital cable having to do with history and science, but
they tend to run extremely uninteresting shows. I digress, I shouldn't
be watching TV in these time strapped times.
Still, it gets my
goat that scientists can so glibly say that life will die out in 500
million years and that the Earth will cease to exist as we know it when
the sun throws all of it's energy into space about five billion years
from now. Makes me feel to insignificant. What's going to happen to
my blog? What about my CD collection? I don't see how they could talk
about the apocalypse in such matter of fact terms.
2007-07-11 - Giant Impact Hypothesis
Of course the answer to my question is "none," all it would do is increase the length of a day.
2007-07-10 - Gut Feeling
Tonight I've come up with a bullet-proof question to ever ask a
professor if they casually ask if anyone has a question: Given the
fact that the moon moves away from Earth about three centimeters a
year, and given that the moon standardizes the length of the day and
days in a year, in what year will the Earth have to add another day to
its calendar (outside of leap years)? I don't know the answer and this
question is valid in any class I'm attending.
Also, as if commuting your work buddy's sentence and a claim of executive privilege doesn't get your goat, this surely will. I don't want the leaders of the free world make decisions based on the way the wind blows.
2007-07-03 - Cheese or cookies? Cookies it is.
Last night we witnessed a wonderful Lady of Justice moment while
waiting in line at Pick'n'Save. A woman told the cashier to wait on a
package of ten cookies and a package of shredded cheese while her other
items were totaled up. Once completed, the woman asked "Now scan the
cheese." Beep. "Now, erase that and scan the cookies." Beep. Beep.
"Ok." She then unfurled $21 of crumpled bills to pay.
This was a highly amusing exercise especially since I was in possession
of the prices of said cheese ($1.89) and said cookies ($2.50). The
lesson is to never pass up an opportunity to spend more on cookies.
2007-07-02 - Fields of Poppies
As much as one can say they accidentally took at 50 mile, four hour
bike ride, that's what happened to me Saturday. I had modest goals of
doing a two hour jaunt from the apartment to Port Washington and back
and a fabulously pleasant day, getting back in time to see the Brewers
beat the Cubs and enough time to take a legendary nap. It was for
naught, however, as a grossly miscalculated the distance of Port
Washington. Besides the weather, each element worked against me ...
the sun burned my forearms and tops of my hands, a steady incline was
present the entire way, two butterflies lodged themselves into my
helmet, and the wind was against me on the way home. All of which was
enhanced by my own immensely uncomfortable lower back strain and the
fact that I saw way too many people who shouldn't be in a bathing suits
at the lake.
On the way back, I stopped and enjoyed an out of place bog in Grafton where me and one thousand larva stage mosquitoes enjoyed a brief moment in the shade.
2007-06-21 - Interrobang Jeopardy!
I hope this isn't a new TV watching trend, because I have so many other
things to do, but Jeopardy is a car wreck for me, just another
mini-obsession before I have to forcefully start learning again. The
current champ is an extremely awkward and ill-dressed guy who is a tax
analyst in Arkansas, it's like all the worst things in the world are
melding into this guy's existence. As a bonus, he said in a crosstalk
with Trebek that he gets yelled at by angry truckers because of some
commercial traveling tax in the state. Good to know.
The questions this week are easier than in the past, and the last two
final Jeopardies have been very, very easy for me. The question
yesterday was Mark Twain, having to do with an American humorist whose
first work was published in 1852, and only one person got it correct.
The other two wrote Dickens ... yeah, right. What's the world coming
to? Idiots, use the process of deduction that carried you that far,
and you missed writing down the most popular writer in American
history? This would be the correct place to put an interrobang.
Today's answer had to do with population movement in the states with
the answer essentially spelling out the answer: Between August 2005
and September 2006, this state reported an increase of 508,000 people.
Deduction, people! All got it wrong. Texas, do you speak it? I think
Trebek wanted to wrap a hockey stick upside their heads. The tax guy
held on by the tightness of his tie knot.
2007-06-14 - Life is Short!
I feel this is as good as any spot to write this, and continuing with
my "what you see is what you get" outlook on life, here's the story.
In my brief respite between class terms, I decided to give myself a little enjoyment by riding my bike to and from work. I say "little enjoyment" because there is nothing enjoyable about my job, the only thing keeping me there is the knowledge that my last day is August 17 and that I get to be a full time grad student and teaching assistant this fall (and part of a union … so I can bury people in concrete without guilt). Otherwise, check out my various dissertations on what a horrible job/workplace I have.
At this point I try and slow down, my back brakes were disabled because of an incident Monday where I had to put on the tool belt and fix my bike after someone drop kicked it in the laundry room of my apartment building. I came to a stop and answered another women's question as to what road we were near by. "Farwell," I said as I dismounted.
I started walking toward the guy and he's not moving at all, nothing. There was a gaggle of people around, all women, some with bike helmets on, all with concerned looks on their faces, but not doing a whole lot than fretting and surveying the scene. "I wish I knew CPR," a few of them said, and that's when I jumped in.
Now, I'm not trying to sound heroic here because I certainly am not, just giving my account of 5:30 in the evening. I've been accredited on and off from CPR since 1995 because I like working at fitness centers for the free membership, not once have I actually used it on a real live human being (save for the time when my best friend's sister fell off a raft and hit her head … which I ran down a stream to catch her … she eventually woke up after I dragged her out and had seriously considered doing the CPR). My biggest fear outside of actually coming upon a situation like this was to do CPR on a guy, let alone a bigger guy with a mustache.
Coming upon the man with his nice road bike still between his legs, I had thought he had snapped his neck. The woman was still shaking him, then looked around, then started shaking him again and yelling. Two people on Farwell, one of which I coincidentally used to work with, were calling 911 and no one else was doing anything to actually help the guy. Apparently the woman shaking him blew air into his nose, which is concurrently both commendable and hugely disgusting.
I then ran to the grassy side, off the trail, trying to not move anything on him because I thought about the neck thing and started giving CPR. He had a faint pulse, but wasn't breathing on his own. I did a set, then another woman came in to give a few chest compressions that would not be of any help to a baby, and I did a few more breaths for him. Still nothing.
At this point, his face was turning purple, most especially his neck. "Oh shit," I thought, "I don't want this guy dying with me at the wheel." I did two more breaths and took over for the lady who didn't know what she was doing. The man, whose eyes were still open, seemingly watching me try and save his life, took an exasperated breath. I undid his helmet which appeared to be blocking his airway.
Two more breaths, 25 more chest compressions, and now he started to vomit a little, but he still wasn't conscious. I then wondered where the paramedics were, this was easily the most accessible part of the Oak Leaf Trail, between two major entrances from Prospect and Farwell, not to mention Lafayette a little further south. Lots of people around, too, and there's a fire station half a mile south on Brady. An ambulance also regularly parks outside of the coffee shop we live above to use free internet, and that's a mile away.
Through the vomit (which is still on my backpack and my IPod) I did two more breaths, but all they did was inflate his mouth … clearly the air passage was blocked. His eyes were still open, but there wasn't anything more I could do then keep doing what I was doing. I did more chest compressions, checked and found his still faint pulse, and did more breaths.
Finally Ladder #4 arrived and I was relieved, so I stood back and surveyed the scene:
When they arrived, they immediately lifted the guy onto the path for a steadier surface without regard to his neck … I'll defer to them because they know what they're doing. As I looked around there was quite a gathering of people, either coming from work or beginning their evening of exercise in the nice weather. There were probably 25 onlookers on Farwell with a great view of the situation.
As nonchalant as the paramedics and fire department personnel looked, they knew what they were doing. They hooked up the defibrillator and monitored his heart, which was still beating, and they did a few medical magic things to try and stabilize his ticker. They couldn't figure out why it was irregularly beating, so they kept asking the guy kneeling on the right of the photo to assess the situation.
"It's still recommending not to shock," he said.
"We have to do something," the other kneeling man (back to the camera), "Everyone stand clear."
So they shocked him. The first time, vomit came flying out and hit the fireman in the fireman pants, but he didn't even flinch. I know I'd be panicking, but I think these guys go through situations like this multiple times each day. Numerous inconsiderate bikers and runners trying to get through passed within a few feet of the paramedics, not caring one bit about the situation, all they cared about was getting to the lakefront of the bars for their next adventure. I could never live with the guilt of just riding by, I don't know how these people do it. Eventually police tape surrounded the ends, and dejected bikers and runners had to brave 100 feet of North Avenue traffic.
They shocked him again, and again, four times total and nothing. A police officer turned up and started taking witnesses' contact info, and when he came over to me, he was flabbergasted that the Village of Shorewood would recommend their citizens to get "Milwaukee" as their home town listed on their driver's license. "Seriously, I don't get why the heck they do that…" he said, and I have an inkling that he was going to go on a serious tangent about how rotten the suburbs of the MKE were, but we were interrupted by the fireman in the fireman pants putting a blanket over the guy.
"Fuck," I said. Most of the women standing around had tears in their eyes. The bike guy's eyes were still open, so who knows if he saw all the work being done on him, or if his view just went black like "The Sopranos" as he tumbled from his bike 30 minutes prior.
The paramedics and the firemen packed up there things and left rather expeditiously, the poor guy sitting in the middle of the Oak Leaf Trail for someone to come and identify him. He wasn't carrying a wallet or any form of ID, just him, his bike, sunglasses, and a cell phone. You would think the cell phone would help, but he didn't have any names and numbers in his address book, so the officer was relegated to cold calling the most recent calls log, and every person he reached, they didn't know the guy or his name. Eventually they did get a hold of someone and they were apparently consoled on one of the side roads, and I don't blame the woman for not wanting to come down and seeing their loved one like that on the trail, police tape and everything.
Then the participants were told to wait around for the detective to come, just in case we didn't off the guy in the trail, I guess. We were chided by the main paramedic guy to get out of the sun because "You don't realize the damage that you were doing." Fine, we'll sit in the shade with all the bugs from the puddle that's been in that spot for three weeks.
We were told not to chat about the situation by one of the slovenly officers because that would compromise any investigation that might happen, even though no one saw the guy fall. So, we made do with idle small talk and I asked my former co-worker what's new in her world and how Allison and I were planning to go a beer serving and brat cooking training at Miller Park that night. "Oh, that's boring, really greasy and disgusting," she said, so now I didn't feel so bad about missing it.
Minutes turned to quarter hours as we waited for the detective, and I then realized where I was sitting .. on the asphalt were dozens of people spit and who knows what else each day. Disgusted and oblivious to the vomit on my shirt, backpack, and IPod, I got up and took this photo:
My cell phone camera is terrible, but that chalk writing there is "Rule #91: Reality is a poorly told joke." I can't find the citation for it (Google knows nothing!), but I find it way too appropriate for the dead man under the white blanket in the background. At 5:18 he was fine, and by 6p he was gone.
There it is, my Wednesday evening. Morbidly speaking, I'm 1-1 saving lives, but it's not something I want to put on the back of my baseball card.
From JSonline (they got the time wrong):
A
bicyclist who collapsed on an east side bike path last night died
despite rescue efforts by the citizens who found him and the Milwaukee
Fire Department, who worked on the man more than an hour.
Other bicyclists along the path found the man about 6:30 p.m. in the
2100 block between N. Farwell and N. Prospect avenues and yelled toward
others on Farwell to call 911, according to the Milwaukee Fire
Department.
Citizens began CPR before paramedics arrived. The man was later pronounced dead at the scene.
Milwaukee police are investigating the death but said there was no obvious trauma to the bicyclist.
Postscript:
And in accordance with me having the worst luck in the world (due to no fault of my own, of course), my bike was stolen at my horrible, terrible job today.
I rode in and cursed at it because the u-lock kept flying off when I went over the hidden potholes on Brady Street, and maybe that hurt its feelings, so it decided to run off. But it didn't because I don't believe in Bike Transformers (despite my fawning over the movie coming out July 3). I locked it up like I usually did, one end of the u-lock through the front tire, the other through the frame, and went in to the office for another day of soul crushing.
That afternoon I went upstairs to check up on it and it wasn't there. Strange, maybe it just fell, or the huge ants that crawl up and down the tree next to it carried it off. I walked out and it wasn't there, damn this.
So my only enjoyment from my job, the 14+ miles round trip it gave me each time I rode and the money I saved, was taken away by a few ghetto kids with nothing better to do than steal a 12 year old bike that belonged to my mom. I commend their effort, but in the end the u-lock will be too much for them to handle and I fully expect to see it mangled in the dumpster tomorrow.
And in accordance with my own morbid sense of humor, I told Allison when she picked me up from work today that I "Should have stolen the dead guy's bike," she gave me an extreme look of disapproval.
Life is short!
2007-06-12 - Again with the Jeopardy contestants
A meek 50-year old bald guy today said in the chat with Alex that he's a "rocker" and "quite enjoys the occasional mosh." Since he puts it that way, I'm reconsidering my entire life.
2007-06-11 - Don't Stop Believing
Friday's episode of Jeopardy
answered one of my lingering questions about the show: yes, graduate
students are not allowed to be in the college tournament. It makes
sense, the grad students would most likely wipe the floor with all the
southern California college students that permeate the contestant ranks
during the special tournaments.
As the chemical engineering grad
student cleaned up on Friday and today, I was taking it personally even
though the show was taped two months ago and she doesn't care who she
offends on the program. She was getting history and geographical
questions I couldn't think of, so it's easy to be intimidated when
you've met your match. I keep on thinking about how well I thought I
did when I tried out for the college tournament in the summer of '97,
but was ushered out of the Kansas City hotel like the invalid that I
am. Being a grad student now, in theory, should make me feel that I
don't have to get down on myself about Jeopardy contestants, but there
is nothing wrong with a little competition, albeit through the cable
box.
In my own world, I destroy all competition. I also find
myself wanting to be sitting on Wikipedia looking up every single
question - you know, just in case.
2007-06-08 - Mickleberry!
Tuesday night I watched a very small portion of the Republican debate.
It seems that this is what all the news channels are passing off as
news, something that doesn't matter until maybe next winter, a bunch of
which guys talking over one another about the minutiae of their
positions. It's not really a debate, anyway, because they're not
offering points of view, just their positions on things to garner the
most number of votes. The minute I watched, John McCain kept rambling
on about something while Wolf Blitzer tried to cut him off, he certainly solidified the "crazy old man" constituency. They all talked a lot without saying anything.
I'm
always amazed that the root of these political contests, at least the
high profile ones, come down to all the stuff employers aren't supposed
to ask their employees about. Race, religion, age, sex, sexuality,
etc... 90% of the politics is about that, but it's taboo in the
workplace because we all know it's utterly pointless in the big
picture. Why would any sane person on the planet want to be an elected
official when you're attacked only on your existence and not the real
problems of society? To think I'm considering running for president on
my Awesome Party platform when I turned 35.
2007-06-04 - The First Triumvirate
This past Friday was my third radio retirement anniversary. I
shouldn't say "retirement" because I'm still bitter about the entire
ordeal, and probably will forever, but it opened up a lot of doors for
me and I can't believe where I'm at right now (well, I can, because
it's right in front of me).
The thing that spurns me most about it is that I had a really good
thing going and my career was going on almost as I saw it, naively
thinking I was insulated from outside effects and the crassness of
management to get rid of the one person who knew how to do everything
at the radio station. I was 26 at the time of the layoff, and spent
three and a half years as the promotions director ... starting when I
was 22. Milwaukee isn't a tiny city, so I considered my age and
experience quite in combination with where I was and considered it a
good start. I was thinking about moving up in the city to one of the
more popular stations (AM 620 WTMJ twice interviewed me for their promo
& marketing director positions, and I had resumes out to larger
cities). Then life took over and ripped the rug from under me.
The initial freedom I felt was shortlived, and I made some stupid
decisions and treading water for the next year and a half, then I
finally figured out who I was. It was as simple as that, and I wish I
hadn't wasted all that time to recognize that I'm a smart guy. So,
into school I went and I worked very, very hard (knowing that there is
not a net below you causes you to concentrate a little harder) at a
subject I didn't know one thing about. A year of foundation classes
(six) and I found myself in grad school. Now I'm one semester in,
ready to tackle it full time in the fall with a teaching assistant
position that's one building away from the math department (never in my
life did I think I'd be a quasi-teacher espousing problem definitions
involving statistics). So I've come a long way in the past year and a
half, though I'm still behind the game as I approach my 30th birthday
next year.
I wouldn't trade my radio career (all eight years of it), but I wish it
would have been over sooner. At times it was extremely fun and I got
to do a load of things most normal people don't get a chance to do
(even if it means the lead singers of Staind and Third Eye Blind are
yelling at you). Of course near the end I was feeling great dread and
it wasn't fun at all thanks to some cantankerous high school dropouts I
had to take direction from. If all goes to plan, I want to write a
book next winter break about my experiences (like High Fidelity, only
less funny), but we'll see ... I've been putting that off since last
year because of time constraints. I certainly have enough materials to
write a multi-volume dissertation on the sad state of commercial radio
and the many invalids it attracts.
The point being ... starting over is fine, but getting over that
starting part of it is the toughest for everyone involved. Get up and
do something.
2007-05-31 - I know these bicuspids!
Due to my perfect storm of healthiness (working out, eating right, extremely boring social life), the dental hygienist
at my checkup Wednesday was teeming with excitement. She couldn't go
into the usual spiel about flossing and brushing with me, or telling me
not to eat a bag of Doritos in the waiting room. No! She went full
throttle into the intricacies of gum health and I feel that I should be
given college credit for the dental education I received during my
cleaning.
I know more about bacteria colonies, the minutiae of
flossing, the art of toothbrush bristles, and scientific terms I've
already forgotten. She would not shut her trap about all these terms
and I think I was the first person she's seen since dental school that
already had such a base of oral knowledge. Wearing headgear for two
years does that to people.
2007-05-27 – “Hey, that guy has the same shirt as you do!”
I topped $40 in gas for The Vibe today, the first time I’ve done so. I had just gotten used to putting about $30 in the tank, but I fill up so infrequently now that that is how much gas has jumped up in the past few weeks (thanks, demand). I’m trying to make it a point to not complain about gas because I think it’s underpriced considering the economics involved and because I think it’s a good idea people finally give up their 13 MPH vehicles, but I can’t help but think of the monopoly the handful of gas companies have. I think since it’s become such a necessity the government should go ahead and deem it a public utility and regulate the hell out of it because, really, society is largely dependent upon gasoline and polymers (plastic) … the economy takes a punch each time the price per gallon increases.
2007-05-17 – Freedom = Slavery
2007-05-14 - RSS Harness
In my continuing desire to have news an happenings being directly
inputted into my brain, I've ditched some of my frequent visits from my
Links Page, plus many others that don't update as frequently, into RSS
feeds. So, instead of clicking on the little blue text multiple times
per day, I have Google Reader continually feeding me textually
satisfying "news" and whatnot consistently through the day.
Never mind the fact that Google is taking up my entire online life
(email, calendar, RSS, webpage, news, maps, digestion, spelunking), I
now have succeeded in becoming a full-on internet geek. It really only
happens at work when I'm forced to sit staring at the screen, but still
... I'm light years ahead of normal human beings in discovering the
latest cat picture with ridiculous writing and grammar. I can has
cheezburger and like it.
2007-05-12 - Business Lotion
In a testament to how exciting my life has become, last night (Friday)
I watched a Business Nation show I recorded last week. I figure since
I'm trying to get into this "business world," I might as well learn a
little more about it, and what better way than recording a terrible
CNBC show.
The show looked interesting when they previewed it on the NBC Nightly
News, so I set it up ... I was disappointed. Actually, I was
embarrassed for the NBC brand because their name was on it: the
stories were poorly constructed and very amateurish. The only thing I
was impressed with was the amount of sharp dressing reporters.
They did a story on a town in California that either did or didn't want
Nestle to set up a shop and make money for them. I kept asking myself
what the point of the story was, what the townspeople are upset about,
but nothing made sense, it was an endless speak on how undecided these
old and out of touch people in this town are. "We don't want to give
away our liquid gold!" one lady kept saying as she never did give out a
reason. I couldn't tell if Nestle had a contract already or not, or if
the townspeople were stonewalling them because they couldn't admit that
they signed a bad deal. Horrible story.
Another story was on vegan marshmellows (ick) and how one of the
ingredients they used apparently contained parts of animal (fun fact:
the elasticity in jello and marshmellows comes from animal skin and
bones). Again, the story was constructed poorly, but at least it was
personalized to the extent that I felt sorry for the two young women
who fell backwards into this vegan marshmellow cottage industry and how
they had the rug pulled from under them.
The money shot in this story was the introduction of two vegans who
were simply appalled that there was parts of animal, and once they
appeared on screen, it forever changed my thinking about vegans. The
couple each wore a yellow shirt that said something about "Vegans do it
better" or something, one shirt had apparently been worn much more than
the other as it was highly faded. The couple also appeared on death's
door: both extremely gaunt, deflated bags of skin. I have determined
that veganism isn't healthy, it's just an extravagant point people are
trying to make. I mean, the reason human brains are the way they are
is because our ancestors ate plenty of fish and meat around the Nile
and other rivers, not steamed broccoli and animal-free marshmellows
into perpetuity.
2007-05-10 - Did that really happen?
I'm still trying to figure out if me being awoken at 1am a while ago to
fend off a cockroach in the bathtub, disabling it with Suave hairspray,
and killing it with a wad of napkins really did happen. It could have
been a dream, but it also could have been a version of sleepwalking
pesticide.
I haven't been writing lately because of the pressure that my
combinations/governmental accounting class has been giving to me. The
deal is that if I don't get a B, I get kicked out of school ... it has
nothing to do with how I've performed in my return to school or what I
did for my undergrad and minor, but more so for the egregious "Plants in
Today's World," "Canada," and "Psychology" classes I took while trying
to maximize my learning experience in my first go round. Added to the
stress has been a very low score on the second exam, so it's safe to
say that I am fretting quite a bit about my exam next Wednesday. I
believe I need to do very well on the final to earn what I desire, but
then it's still up in the air because of a strange assignment plate and
contradicting syllabi throughout the semester. I shall see.
2007-04-09 - Eggstreme
I will never be ashamed of a hissy fit that includes two pairs of pants being thrown around the room. Ever.
2007-04-06 - Meh Friday
I wish I spent more time studying than deciding which
pants and shirt combination I wear to class. I want to emit some sort
of fashion sense, but then again I don't want to be wearing the same
outfit each class like I'm a superhero.
In other news, I have to wear a surgical mask at my non-medical industry or painting job because I fear for my health.
2007-03-29 - LOUD NOISES
I can admit to two glaring mistakes that I've made over
a fairly consistent past year of my life, even though I am not counting
the times when I storm in to the apartment from a car ride or something
else that makes me shriek "Why does this stuff always happen to
me?!?!" I can't control that, it's like tourettes, only a really,
really sad version of it.
One mistake was taking the core intermediate accounting class in the
shortened summer session. That experience tested all the willpower in
my soul to get through and I felt the depths of failure at least four
times during the class. Usually I manage my expectations by saying I'm
going to fail when I know I did OK (though not up to my lofty
standards), but I had to take a number of face-to-mirror conversations
to keep myself going. And this mistake has been subsequently validated
by my adviser, two accounting instructors, and THE HEAD OF THE
ACCOUNTING DEPARTMENT. They all can't believe I went through that.
The second mistake was in underestimating the noise level in our new
apartment, which we committed to about one year ago. I thought Oakland
Avenue and living in an apartment building would be noisier, but not
quite as noisy as I thought. Thankfully, I'm not home that often, but
when I am (anything before 5:30p), it's really loud. The bus stop out
front, the trollop in the apartment to the north who blasts daytime
television on his terrible sound system, the dynamic duo of Scowl and
Shifty Shellshock in the apartment to the west who play alternative on
a transistor radio and have occasional gangster rap parties, and they
crank the music when no one is in the coffee shop.
Of course, now that spring is coming, the windows need to be open to
let more noise in and the shop downstairs is under new ownership, so
late night painting and carpentry work are omnipresent. At night when
I'm there to enjoy myself it's bearable, but I can't help but look
toward the wonderful day I can own a house and shake a broom at kids to
get off my damn lawn.
2007-03-28 - I, Clawed the Bus
I watched the final episode ever of HBO's Rome last
night, so yet another one my boring filthy language and orgy filled
historical dramas has come to an end. Despite its lack of sticking to
real history, I got a lot out of the show, most notably putting
fantastic images to stories and, from what I can tell, a good
representation to what life was really like back in the day. The story
ended up being how the first modern ruler came to be, and the callous
Octavian/Augustus set the example for the following 2000 years of
monarchical rule. The main drawback for me, the date guy, was the lack
of consistent notation of what date and place they were at in time, far
too many times I had to guess where they were. The main characters
never seemed to age, but the kids grew at light speed.
And now that's it's over, all I have on HBO (and real TV in general) is
the Sopranos, and that's ending this year, so I'll basically have no
intention to ever watch TV outside of news and sports after June. My
life will be much better because of it.
2007-03-24 - Dolphin Encounters of the Smart Kind
We got home late Tuesday night from Puerto Vallarta, an arduous journey that seemed much longer fro than to. After catching up from a backlog of work (hahahahahahah), the respite away gave my mind a much needed
rest and I am finally able to think of the weird things (sometimes humorous)
that I am not famous for.
On the early plane ride from Milwaukee to Denver I was sandwiched between
Allison and another woman, and I promptly fell asleep. I asked Allison
later that since the woman next to me had fallen asleep that I could consider
that I had slept with another woman, to which her retort was that she had been
sleeping, also. So that, if anything, it should be considered a ménage à trois. Even better than I had pervertedly thought.
The next thought I had was that if everyone on the plane stood up and jump up
and down at the same time, would that cause the plane to plummet a few hundred
feet and perhaps expedite a crash? I thought about it long and hard, but
I think the adept Frontier pilots would be able to handle it.
And after our "encounter with a dolphin" (as the tourist trap
explained), I busied myself with the thought that the dolphin is smarter than
our two year old nephew. I mean, the dolphin did everything our nephew
does (mimicking hand clapping, shaking your head, kissing on the cheek, etc),
and if it wasn't for the lack of opposable thumbs, I think the dolphin would be
able to put together the farm puzzle and shape box thing. I'll bring this
up with the in-laws just to irritate them.
2007-03-15 - Kid Gloves
Since I've decided to take my first real vacation in a
number of years, Puerto Vallarta calls for pretanning of my perpetual
whiteness. So, for the first time since 1997, I have decided to go
tanning. The local tanning "parlor" is in the old bike shop, so in a
little "tip of my cap" move, I rode my bike there a couple of days ago
to see if I could get in ... no dice. Lining up on the bench were at
least a dozen bleach-blonde 19-20 year old girls with mushroomtops and
perfume I could smell through the window ... no way I was dealing with
that, so I immediately turned home.
The next night, I went with Allison there to fend off the young
invalids, and we just barely survived because there was a half-dozen
19-20 year old meatheads there talking about motorbikes and whatnot.
Definitely not a scene I'm akin to find myself in, which is why I'll be
going back to tonight as my final salvo with the illuminated beds.
2007-03-14 - I don't like his internet face
Another year, another inherited microwave, so I am attempting to sell
the old one with some miles on Craigslist. I have had two bites so
far, one which didn't email me back, and another who planned to drive
all the way to Shorewood to pick up the fine food heater for a measly
$35. Well, after all the plans were set and after I had
Fantastik-bombed and scour-padded down the 'wave, she called and
informed me that her husband threw a hissy fit about this ordeal of a
drive and some random guy on the internet.
Clearly, I'm a threat, and I've been called out on it. I lure
housefraus from West Allis into my Shorewood Demon Lair with the sweet
siren call of a used, below market price microwaves. The unsuspecting
people are then seduced by my internet aura, and I force them to cook
for me without use of the microwave.
2007-03-13 - Tonight we dine in the Aventine
If I happen to find my self in a slum fight between gang lords, I will
immediately take it up on myself to head butt my adversary, bite his
tongue out and then stab him as he falls to the ground, while wheeling
a battle axe at his second in command. That's how I roll.
2007-03-12 - Daylight-Saving Time: Abomination
I've never been so angry over a time change as I was yesterday, I
forgot about it and it completely ruined my day when I realized it.
Seriously, I'm all for saving energy and whatnot, but it's an utter
abomination that I lost an hour I could have used this weekend to enjoy.
In other news, I think I'll try this "not thinking during the test" thing again.
2007-03-09 - Eating lots of sugar put me in a fowl mood (duck)
I attempted a new way to take a test last night ... by
not thinking. Sure, I had studied and went through and read the
questions, but I didn't over analyze the questions and went with my gut
instinct. That process lead me to be one of the first five or so
people to be finished with the test. I'll see how it pans out, but I
already felt better about it than my usual skipping over problems I
wasn't completely sure on and then going back and meticulously
dissecting the verbiage of the questions and answers-method.
I repeated the "free your mind" mantra a handful of times, I just hope
I'm instinctually good enough. If not, back to the old method of slow
madness.
2007-03-05 - Things I've Learned Since Noon Friday
- The new A-frame outside the salon does not increase foot traffic,
unless you count the two extra steps I have to make to walk around it
- Andy Rooney would not make a good president, so I'm glad he doesn't want to be president
- Kill Bill 1 is better than Kill Bill 2
- Mini-vans can only take so many beatings until they are undriveable, no matter how emasculating they are
- John Kruk hates the Brewers
- Like any burgeoning accountant learns first, if you see a loss
coming, you notify management ... GAO Comptroller General David Walker
is doing an excellent job of it
- It's mighty quiet when the coffee shop is closed for "repairs"
- No matter how much coffee or caffeine I have have, half a bag of jelly beans (or any sugar in general) will put me to sleep
- I cannot take tests no matter how well I know the subject matter
- Monty Python is a strangely awesome show, and it doesn't talk down to the audience (which I applaud)
- Things to keep in mind: Public schools, like the DMV, are funded by
the government. Private or charter schools seem to be doing a better
job of it
- I can do this running thing, I hope to take it outside shortly
- No matter what garbage you own, there is always someone out there willing to purchase it
2007-02-28 - Megafauna Sexpert
You know a class will be challenging if the faculty of your school write the book you have to use. Tonight is the first test of my obvious theory.
2007-02-26 - Six inches of snow ≠ panic
The weekend was
chock full of mass hysteria in Milwaukee and I surprisingly survived.
Saturday morning I awoke with a surprising six inches of snow on the
ground and made my way to work, hopping through the virgin white stuff,
and then for the rest of the day I was subjected to "EVERYBODY IS GOING
TO DIE" panic with regards to the "blizzard" that was supposed to hit
later that day. At 5pm the panic-casters were predicting 15 inches
overnight, and then by 10pm it was up to 20 inches.
Long ago I
decided to stop watching local news and really stop believing the
weather guys, all they do in this city is report on the sky falling
every two minutes and decided when the best time to interrupt Law and
Order is. Well, in my hobby as meteorologist, I could tell that the
snow was mainly going to be coming from the east, which means lake
effect, which means big chunky snow. What the TV weather people didn't
say was that it was a little too warm for it, and all we ended up with
was a layer of snow cone covering the snow of the previous day. Thanks
to the apartment buildings around me with blue salt that became a
reality.
So, nothing happened except for a lot of hot air. Oh,
and the mass hysteria closed the dry cleaner, so today at work I'm
wading in filthy old dress clothes that I thought were cool six years
ago.
The best part of the day was a 20 minute car digging out extravaganza
by a helpless girl across the street. She didn't move her call all
weekend, so the plows kept piling snow around her Honda, and as she
earnestly began to dig herself out, the man we affectionately call
Lobster (because of his permanent flushiness) turned up to offer his advice
and middling shoveling skills. We could tell she didn't want the help,
and all Lobster really wants is attention, so they were perfect for
second story observation. Eventually she made it out to the relief of
all the Russian walkers nearby.
2007-02-23 - Closeted Chocolate
I know that I haven't been writing a whole heck of a lot, but I just
haven't felt like it and I believe that my tinge of humor and anger has
been tempered with a great deal of anxiety.
Being in graduate school and not knowing exactly what the instructors
are asking of me, I have a wave of anxiety that I ride each week.
Right now (Friday) it's a low point because my homework and lectures
for the week are over, and I only have to suffer through one more
indignifying day at this place. That anxiety level will rise over the
next four days as I fret about homework, the upcoming governmental
exam, and the tedious thread this whole school/work/career thing
balances on, and then my anxious dissipates on Wednesday or Thursday
when I learn I didn't suck all that much at my homework and that I am
above average in the classes. Of course, the chickens aren't hatching
themselves, so the anxiety wave continues unabated.
I can find a little solace in believing that I'm one of the cooler
people in the governmental class, my awesomeness tilts to the high end
much more than the other drudges in the class. Maybe one or two can
rival me, but my non-dorkitude is clearly not being expensed, but
attributed as goodwill on the balance sheet of that class.
Who am I kidding.
2007-02-07 - 29
Much like the stagnant $25 each year from grandma, I can always count on UWM sending the best greeting:
______________________________
/^\^\ | |_
\__ \ \|__ | \
/ \ HAPPY BIRTHDAY | \
+ / /\ /| | \
+ o + { * *| from the IMT birthday | | +
+ { \ | | + o +
| / __\ \ computer program | \ +
|\|/| / \ () ()| | | |
\|/ ----\_) ) )\_____/___________ /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ | |\|/|
<___________________/ \|/
It's been the same thing since 1996, probably earlier. It looked much better on telnet, HTML is way beyond its capabilities.
2007-02-06 - February Depths
It warms me to recognize my heating bill is $200 less per month at my new place. Extra money for ... September.
2007-02-05 - Shivery Jitters
Never will I ever again submit myself to two cups of coffee in less
than half an hour and venture outside on a sub-zero day. It is the
most uncomfortable feeling I've ever had. Oh, and combine that with a
lingering bacon smell the entire day ... all sorts of wrong.
2007-02-02 - Authorities have arrested two men in connection with electronic light boards depicting a middle-finger-waving moon man
No one has asked me to comment on the moon men paralyzing the city of
Boston on Tuesday, but I have recognized that it's the peak of Everest
for subversive marketing/promotions people the world three times over.
This is something I dreamt about back in the day when I had a real
career, something so simple and amusing that people would be confused
and offended by it that media would pick up on it and promote whatever
innocuously. I guess it's not the pinnacle yet because these guys
could spend time in jail, but it will take a lot to knock it off my
"Most Amusing of 2007" list.
It's rare when an idea like this can work in tandem with the times and
have a perfect storm around it ... it only happened twice in my days in
radio. The first time was a Free Gas Friday, gas had surged to $1.65 a
gallon, and I sent out press releases. Sure, people were crazy enough
to sit at the gas station for their $10 in gas all day, but it was the
TV station presence that whipped everyone into a frenzy. TV stations
will cover anything, but it takes a special something to make them
report on another media company.
The other time happened the day after Randall Simon swung and knocked
over one of the racing bratwursts at Miller Park. The next day,
"Sausage Swinger" fever had caught on, and in my brainstorm looked up
and saw a leftover pinata and decided to have a contest. A press
release later, TV crews turned up for the festivities, and the station
was featured on ESPN.com and various staff members were featured with
radio interviews across the country. I had the pleasure of being
called a racist on a station in Vancouver.
Ahh, memories.
2007-01-24 - It's like going to the dentist every day
Today is
the day that I forgo any sort of enjoyment and strive for success in all
matters of school, I can’t ever tell myself “it’s alright to not try that hard
on this assignment” ever again (even though I didn’t do that at all last
year). I need to trudge through even the
most tedious situations in order to fully grasp the situation, and that means
more than just taking notes and doing the problems once. I, for one, am somewhat concerned about
school because if I fail, that’s it, I’m screwed.
2007-01-23 - Season Finale
The season finale of "Winter Break" comes to a close tonight with a wonderful double feature of HBO's Rome and the movie Gladiator. After the showing and the Qdoba, Mr. Roth will find a dagger and stab random people around the East Side, scribbling Roman numerals of the past forty Super Bowl scores into the chests and flanks of the unsuspecting denizens.
2007-01-22 –
2007-01-19 –
Zoelesque, Dukin’ Donuts/Unkind Donuts, Noah’s
2007-01-18 - Adventures in Consumer Whoredom
Since I’m
on Winter Break (a mere 50 hour workweek), I’m updating all my records, burning
CD’s, and generally doing all the stuff I put off 2006 with school and the
move. It